yes, i fall asleep on my couch often. it also, almost always, wins between doing the dishes and cleaning up. kinda sad, i would sometimes say. but a lot of times, it has been the best thing i ever bought, besides my bed. it is my comfort seat, my sanctuary,my favorite reading spot, my daybed. it has witnessed laughter, great friendships, love, sadness, a waterfall of tears and heartache.
i'm curled up in one corner as i write this blog. i'm thinking about my life and what i want in it.
this morning, someone asked me what i wanted and the first thing that came to mind was ALL or NOTHING at all. it reminded me of how i used to be. strong, tenacious, firm. i valued myself and i never settled for the lukewarm. i never settled for mediocrity. i was disappointed that i have become so accepting of what's there and settling for second best, or more like being second best. i was readjusting my standards to accomodate change just so that i could still have a hold of a part of a dream.
it made me question what i want in my life. what is important to me? what is it, ultimately, that i really want?
i want happiness and laughter. i want love, including the imperfections. i want great, honest and non-judgemental friendships. i want passion and intensity in everything i do. i want respect, honesty, steadfastness and reliability from people i love and trust. and of course, i want to be loved the way any woman should be loved. by someone who will go through life with me, holding my wrinkled hand. through good and bad times. through tears and laughter. i want a life without regrets.
and in time, i want to build a family. my own. to love and cherish. to go through crazy times with. to nurture and grow with.
is that too much to ask?
to me, if it is for someone i love, then NO. (and i expect the same answer from the person who loves me.)
should people always expect the best from their partners? should people always try and give the best to their partners? HECK, YEAH. otherwise, we'll all be having and living half-assed lives.
(i know i wouldn't be able to give perfection, but i will try and give my best everytime.)
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