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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

what's up, pidge?

The only people i want to meet are the ones who take chances.
People who dont want to miss what life is about.
You only live once so take hold of the chance.
Don't end up like others with the same song and dance.
-(from PJ's profile)
i'll probably never see you again. or i probably will. who knows?
but i'll always remember you smiling and laughing so hard at every little corny thing i'd say.
you'd bug me about my life and you'd pretend to be shocked,give me a high-five,
then give me a sermon afterwards.
i'll never forget your eyes,one of my favorite things in the world.or how your eyebrows turn red when you're mad.
you always knew how to make my blood boil, too.there were times i'd just sit and gnash my teeth,
seething all day. you were so far away yet we manage to fight. and you manage to make friends with me all over again.
i miss all that.and i'll always be missing all that
for as long as i'm breathing.
but then i know someday,i'll see you again...and it'll be just like the last time....
really good pizza,a little rain, sitting outside that pizza place, getting wet and still laughing our brains out.
i know you're sometimes looking down from where you are now...probably wanting to poke and scare me while i'm desperately trying to sleep. i can almost hear you laughing like you used to when i'd tell you thati can't sleep coz i'm scared...but you'd still stay up with me until one of our cellphones give up. until we'd have to hook up to a charger to keep talking. or figthing. until i fall asleep.
i remember you saying goodbye for the last time...in my sleep.
a bit sad but smiling. and you asked me if i was gonna be okay.

Monday, February 13, 2006

of rollercoasters and broken hearts...


i'm terrified of the thought of getting my heart broken. again. so terrified that i almost feel nauseated -- like getting off a really mean rollercoaster ride, feeling eternally grateful that the near-death experience is finally over, wanting to throw up but deciding against it and putting on a brave face instead. funny how it sounds a lot like falling in love, which, come to think of it, can be equally terrifying.

yes. for me, and some people, it is. but it never stopped me from giving in to one of life's sweetest temptations. somehow, no matter how many times you get your heart broken, you still can't help falling the next time. most people never learn. I, certainly, did not. it's just like swearing never to come near another rollercoaster and then getting into one a few minutes later. and of course, screaming my emotionally-battered lungs out. again.

it still amazes me how i get the courage to put myself in the same situation i've already been in before. sometimes i can't help but wonder why...

maybe i'm just too much of an optimist sometimes. or maybe too much of a gambler. but then, i wouldn't want to live my life knowing everything before it happens. i wouldn't want to be too cautious to enjoy and experience life. there's something romantic about the unknown...

it's when you take risks, make split-second decisions and wrong turns that the most amusing experiences and sweetest moments happen. it happened to me. maybe it's one of the reasons why i'm not the kind of person who has a lot of regrets. why regret something that made you happy even if it didn't last? why regret getting your heart broken when it made you see how much love you can give? why regret decisions YOU made?

whew. it's hard to take risks that's why sometimes instead of thinking about it longer, i just go ahead and jump. no, dive is more like it. hahaha.

and there's nothing like waking up one morning, realizing you've already fallen for someone, without a clue how the hell that happened.

terrifying. tsk. tsk.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

today's song

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine...
Let the rain fall, i don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
and it's brighter than sunshine...

- Aqualung, Brighter than Sunshine

brighter than sunshine

i woke up extra cheerful this morning. the sun's up but it's still cool outside. and i'll probably spend the whole day indoors. as usual. it's funny how boring my life has become in a matter of weeks. as far as i'm concerned, it started going downhill when my Ate waved goodbye as i watched Dr. Gene's car disappear. and then, there i was, uprooted and abandoned. (haha. heavy, serious words, those are.) i stood there, watching the birds with envy. chicken little would've had a heart attack if he saw how my sky went falling when i found out that public transportation was virtually non-existent in this new planet i have to call home for the next 2 years. unless, i unleash my inner diva, and call a cab. hahaha. but patience, indeed, is a virtue. i planted somewhat-hesitant-but-willing seeds and now i'm watching new friendships grow. my mundane and desolate paradise is slowly showing some promise. and last night, i finally got a good night's sleep without sleeping pills or melatonin. thanks to sleepyhead, my new favorite sedative, i get to smile before i sleep.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

yes.go.




give in. let go of everything.
kiss as if it's your first.
love like crazy.
love like it's never gonna end.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

scary thoughts...

realizing you've fallen for someone
when it was already too late.

wanting to risk everything for someone
without thinking twice.

finding happiness with the person
who would always make you cry.

longing for someone
who can't be yours.

still stuck in that moment...

you gotta stand up straight. carry your own weight.
these tears are going nowhere baby...
i was unconscious, half asleep.
the water's warm til you discover how deep.
i wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall.
it's a long way down to nothing at all.
and if the day won't last.
and if our way should falter along the stony pass. it's just a moment.
this time will pass.

 
                   -- U2, Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of

Saturday, January 21, 2006

my day so far...

well, i haven't washed my face and it's already 2:30pm. still in my favorite pyjamas and my pinoy big brother shirt. great day so far. i ate, i checked my mail, read a little and now i'm blogging. nothing comes to mind. nothing i want to share really...since i'm still thinking and trying to organize my thoughts, my feelings...and probably my life too.

being here in florida made me realize how big a chicken i am. i can't sleep. it's probably my insomia, which became chronic, you know...difficulty falling asleep, waking up frequently in between and waking up too early... fucked up, really. i feel like a sleep-deprived racoon. i looked like one this morning.

or maybe it isn't just the insomnia. hehe. i realized i'm so afraid of the dark when i'm alone. (it's different when you're not, believe me, hahaha...fearless goddess!) i guess i won't be watching too many scary movies anytime soon...

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

some pics in L.A.




me, supposedly showing you the Hollywood sign...




with Ryan (boyfriend ni janna! HWHAT?!?, Janna  and me at the Hilton in Anaheim



Cathie, me and Jad...



 


sayin' CHEEESE!!!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

with pao in L.A.

really good friends are hard to find. i'm so grateful i still have most of them. like pao-pao. who showed me around even when i was such a pain in the ass. hehe.