of rollercoasters and broken hearts...

i'm terrified of the thought of getting my heart broken. again. so terrified that i almost feel nauseated -- like getting off a really mean rollercoaster ride, feeling eternally grateful that the near-death experience is finally over, wanting to throw up but deciding against it and putting on a brave face instead. funny how it sounds a lot like falling in love, which, come to think of it, can be equally terrifying.

yes. for me, and some people, it is. but it never stopped me from giving in to one of life's sweetest temptations. somehow, no matter how many times you get your heart broken, you still can't help falling the next time. most people never learn. I, certainly, did not. it's just like swearing never to come near another rollercoaster and then getting into one a few minutes later. and of course, screaming my emotionally-battered lungs out. again.

it still amazes me how i get the courage to put myself in the same situation i've already been in before. sometimes i can't help but wonder why...

maybe i'm just too much of an optimist sometimes. or maybe too much of a gambler. but then, i wouldn't want to live my life knowing everything before it happens. i wouldn't want to be too cautious to enjoy and experience life. there's something romantic about the unknown...

it's when you take risks, make split-second decisions and wrong turns that the most amusing experiences and sweetest moments happen. it happened to me. maybe it's one of the reasons why i'm not the kind of person who has a lot of regrets. why regret something that made you happy even if it didn't last? why regret getting your heart broken when it made you see how much love you can give? why regret decisions YOU made?

whew. it's hard to take risks that's why sometimes instead of thinking about it longer, i just go ahead and jump. no, dive is more like it. hahaha.

and there's nothing like waking up one morning, realizing you've already fallen for someone, without a clue how the hell that happened.

terrifying. tsk. tsk.

today's song

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine...
Let the rain fall, i don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
and it's brighter than sunshine...
- Aqualung, Brighter than Sunshine

brighter than sunshine

i woke up extra cheerful this morning. the sun's up but it's still cool outside. and i'll probably spend the whole day indoors. as usual. it's funny how boring my life has become in a matter of weeks. as far as i'm concerned, it started going downhill when my Ate waved goodbye as i watched Dr. Gene's car disappear. and then, there i was, uprooted and abandoned. (haha. heavy, serious words, those are.) i stood there, watching the birds with envy. chicken little would've had a heart attack if he saw how my sky went falling when i found out that public transportation was virtually non-existent in this new planet i have to call home for the next 2 years. unless, i unleash my inner diva, and call a cab. hahaha. but patience, indeed, is a virtue. i planted somewhat-hesitant-but-willing seeds and now i'm watching new friendships grow. my mundane and desolate paradise is slowly showing some promise. and last night, i finally got a good night's sleep without sleeping pills or melatonin. thanks to sleepyhead, my new favorite sedative, i get to smile before i sleep.

yes.go.

give in. let go of everything.
kiss as if it's your first.
love like crazy.
love like it's never gonna end.