simplifying the complicated

It's been one of those work days that start with me wishing it was time to go home. It's one of those nights when a persistent headache leaves me sitting in a stupor on my couch. No tv. No music. No book. No phonecalls. I finally got the bravado to get up and hunt down an ice pack and some exedrine and a few more minutes of stupor, I begin to clear up. Heavy head and heavy eyelids in tow, I will be attempting to blog.

I need to sleep. I am looking forward to climbing to bed with a good "sleep aid" and pray that I sleep through the night without waking up at 2 am with my heart racing. I don't even remember what it was that made me so anxious but it was a plethora of emotions that washed over me after a fruit salad of now-forgotten dreams. Deep breathing techniques didn't work, as my heart rate went thump. thump. thumping down on my pillow like a frikkin' drum. I heard my dog sigh under the covers, and I was envious of the slow, rythmic breathing felt by my butt. I tried to move so as not to crush her.

I tried to count sheep, prayed the Lord's prayer (got sidetracked several times). I tried fluffing my pillow, propped myself against one, put one over my head...everything. I tried to sing the Philippine National Anthem in my head. I don't remember at which point I fell back to sleep. Crazy night.

Hmm...It's not like my life in general hasn't been crazy. It has been and it has been quite a ride. Sometimes I want so desperately to get off but for some reason, I am mezmerized by the rush, and always end up choosing to stay. What can I say, I like the adventure. Curiosity killed the cat and I sure don't want to die like that. But seriously, I think it's a deep need inside of me to undertand this life that's been washed over by rainstorms and enveloped by calm, like children taking turns at the playground.

I don't know what's at the end. I do know that I always have a choice.

It's that simple. It should always be that simple--know what you want and decide. Nothing else matters. Nothing else should. That's what my mother, my family instilled and inspired in me. This is what the life I've led and decisions I made taught me.

          Love without expecting anything in return.
          Be kind and generous to people you love.
          Be patient and unselfish at times when it's the hardest.
          Say and do what you need to do without letting pride get in the way.
          Don't overthink. Wait for the situation to present itself. (That lessens stress.)
          If you want it, go for it. If you dont, then say so.
          It is worth it if you say so and if you believe so.
          Other people will attempt to make things complicated.
          It's up to you to simplify it. :)

Cheers! (wishing i had a drink.)