Search This Blog

Friday, October 15, 2010

will there ever be answers good enough?

it's funny how my "down" days came to an end, unexpectedly. i missed writing down my thoughts, and pouring out some of my heartaches, hoping to somehow bleed it out. sometimes, it's too much to carry inside... and i feel as if it'll poison the hopeful part of me if i keep it all in.

i survived. the pain and heartache. chalked it up to experience. i didn't die. and yes, somehow, i am stronger.

trust, is a tricky thing. some people say that once it's been lost, things will never be the same. i wonder if it applies when we just go ahead and trust ourselves to make a decision most people won't make? do people really stop trusting themselves if they fail? or do we have to fail over and over again in order to feel that? do we lose trust in ourselves or do we just lose trust in a specific situation?

the one thing i am sure of is that when someone betrays your trust, gaining it back is almost close to impossible. but it can be done. if two people work together. if both are willing to take a chance, to work hard, and to focus on what is important to them. it doesn't happen overnight. there might be times when you need to back track, to answer questions over and over again until the other one has peace of mind. i think, it's not the answers that are important. it's the willingness of the person who broke your trust (and heart) to go through it, honestly holding your hand.

it's fucking awesome to be back on track again.

but what if it happens again? what if no answers make sense anymore? what if it feels like a lie?

this is when we need to trust ourselves. to stop or to go on. to allow negativity to envelop you or to fight for what you believe in. it is the hardest thing. it gets harder when you find yourself wondering what you did wrong. it gets even harder when you've given all you can, trusted with all your heart all over again, been loved back and given laughter and happy memories -- and be caught off guard. then it hits you. it's up to you to regulate the floodgates. your nightmare happens all over again, greater than before.

pray. for serenity. peace. and positivity.
strive. for serenity. peace. and positivity.
live. with serenity, peace and positivity.

that is all i can say.

keep all the good memories in your heart. no matter how the other person paints you and your life together, you know it's been good. you can look back and not regret anything when you've given your best.

No comments: